Q4 CDC Day 41

08:30 - 09:30: Obj.Int.Setup (10/6)
09:30 - 10:30: Obj 2.1a (15/5)
10:30 - 11:30: Obj 2.1a (16/5)
11:30 - 12:30: Su.Lunch (6/14)
12:30 - 01:30: Helping mom
01:30 - 02:30: Obj 2.1a (17/5)
02:30 - 03:30: Obj 2.1a (18/5)
03:30 - 04:00: 30 min break & snack - no obj.  Go 25/5 to end with 5 min meditation.

Initial Setup - Crossing A New Divide

So today marks the end of the second batch of initial setup, setting me 4 hours over goal.

Why did I do this?

Because I haven't been "getting it"... and I realize that I will be MUCH more successful if I do "get it".

What is "it"?

In essence, the same definition as landmark - the difference between the "real me" and "my mind", and how to free myself from the constraints my mind is constantly placing on me.

This is not some hokey "universe" shit - this is basic logical shit.  For instance:

When you feel "tired" or like you "don't wanna work", how does that feeling constrain you, or limit you?

What if you ACTUALLY wanted that feeling, because to you, THAT feeling WAS the opportunity to create a little bit of happiness and growth?

What if that feeling made you ACTUALLY feel excited that you can now embracing the feeling and push through it?

YES... I KNOW all this... but the problem is I HAVE NOT BEEN *GETTING IT*.

Getting it means I see what life is like when I feel resistence, stop, embrace it, enjoy it, get excited, and then push harder than I knew I was capable of.

It means pushing through resistance on top of resistance on top of resistance and breaking through the ceiling after the ceiling I just broke through.

It is 10% mindfulness, constantly snapping into awareness, constantly catching "it" in action, constantly reprogramming, and constantly pushing myself.

That is how happiness is made.  That is the paradigm.  And that's what I want to "get" again.  And there's nothing I can write here that will make me get it.  It's just something I have to walk myself through and see for myself.

And now... now I get it for the moment... so now I have to IMPLEMENT IT.

Implementation is everything.  Otherwise, I'll lose it again.