A little too much variation in voice at the beginning comes across as a sort of filter or bad editing.
Near the end, you start sounding like a 20 year old. "I think you got too into it" says Dad. When I think back to how this was recorded, I remember the point being to throw myself into the emphasis on the words, but I think I did so in a way that loses some of the professionalism and authority. Ideally, you are emphasizing with major impact from an authoritative position, so instead of feeling pushed to buy, they feel like it'd be stupid not to buy.
You'll hear it, it's whenever your voice goes a little higher frequency.
So the final editing pass with deal with smoothening out some of the audio with a few re-records, fixing the repeating line near the beginning, touching up a few of the transitions, and putting in music. Approx 4-8 hours needed.
More emphasis should be on video 1 since that will be NON-EDITABLE once it's got links going to it and has been on youtube for a month or two. Video 2 is editable, so it's more important to start selling than it is to get it perfect. No traffic, no sales.
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