Embracing Anger

This is not about reprogramming anger.  That's great too, but it doesn't work if you don't embrace it as well.

You have to actually separate the feeling of anger from the reaction (typically this one is a combo of BLAME and complaining.  Like I HATE XXXXX!  If only she didn't sound like a little girl.)

The blame doesn't help obviously, and that can be reprogrammed.  But more prudent is the fact that you don't currently differentiate the stressor from the reaction that makes it distress.  And as a result, you get INSTANT DISTRESS that you then always need to try to go back in and unwind.

Instead, you should enjoy the feeling of anger.  Like being upset at other people's pitching, noise level, attitude, personality, whatever.  Don't listen to the words, don't be driven down the reactive path, simply ENJOY the feeling of anger.

After all, you didn't choose it.  It's not even REAL!  How funny that it generates all these thoughts and "heat" etc.  enjoy it, it's entertaining, it's not something you need to react to.

...
Along these lines, interesting insight.

It could be that anger problems aren't really about the feeling of anger much at all... instead they are about how much the mind is driven by it.  Ex. Someone who's instantly and powerfully driven when anger occurs (no gap) vs. someone who has a normal "gap" between the feeling and reaction.

Probably both but I imagine the worst are the people who are highly emotional and have no gap or filter.

If this is true, and i suspect that is AT LEAST IN PART TRUE, then building up this gap is the answer to fixing anger problems.